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Our application was approved and we will be signing tomorrow. The details leading up to this momentous occasion aren't much better than what I described before, but at least we have a light at the end of this hellish tunnel.
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I don't know what kind of personality one has to have to go into real estate but I'm convinced that most of us in the world are just too good for it.

The boy and I have been looking for an apartment and have finally found one to our liking. We went in yesterday to apply for it. Once there, we find out that the price told to us by the broker is really an "offer" price and even though neither of us recalls being told that, oh ho no, we apparently were. They also requested a ridiculous amount of paperwork and told us that we wouldn't even be able to receive confirmation of our offer or a possible counteroffer until our ENTIRE application package was complete.

Then, in speaking to my current management company today, I am told that I cannot have my security deposit cover my last month's rent and that "in all [the realtor's] 20 years in real estate," she would have never said such a thing. What she apparently said was that if I didn't pay my last month's rent, my security would cover it. It still has not been explained to me the qualitative difference between those statements. And finally, I requested a reference letter from them and told them I needed it by the end of today. That was at 12:30. They said they would slip it under my door. I then called again at 4:30 and was reassured that it would be under my door. Guess what? It's 10:05 and nothing has been slipped under my door.

Unfortunately, as maddening as all this is, the apartment is truly worth it. Ergh.
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The bed calls to me. It wants me to keep it warm. But I'm just not ready yet. Somehow 1am just seems too early, even if I do have to get up at 7.

The day just never ends. I was told again by my manicurist/massage lady that my shoulders are rock hard and that they're not normal. Somehow, I always end up apologizing for this. The boy thinks I should maybe go see a doctor about it, but I don't know what they'd do about it. The pain is really unbearable sometimes, but I'd rather not end up addicted to muscle relaxers and the sort. Especially considering the ridiculous number of medications I am currently on (thankfully, most of which are non-daily). I really don't know what to do about it. Most days, it's just an annoyance in the background, but there are days like today where my shoulders and shoulder blades are just burning, and I want to cut the muscle out with a knife. Not the most pleasant visual I'm sure, but it's how I feel.

In the meantime, I must keep working and typing and ruining my posture. But it's all going to be worth it in the end, right? There's some kind of payoff waiting for me in the future, yes?
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my blog will have this calming, peaceful theme. the orange juice man was starting to make me nervous.
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Still no interviews. And therefore no new job.

And I'm tired. Like really, deep down, bone tired. I mean, look at me, I'm posting at 2 in the morning. And I'm probably going to wake up around 8. And I'm sure tomorrow will be a repeat.

I'm basically doing 3 major things right now: working at the crap job I have now, trying to find a new job that isn't crap, and starting a side project (which I will elaborate upon if it works). Oh yeah, and keeping up relationships and such.

My list of things I try to accomplish everyday is daunting and I'm happy if I can get at least 2 or 3 things knocked off the list. I'm sure there are people out there that can do more. I guess I'm just not one of them. Especially because I like reading my Neil Gaiman novels and playing online poker whenever I get the chance. And I'm trying to work on finishing a game on my PSP. But that's going pretty damn slowly.

So sue me.
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Will work for cupcakes or books.
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Oh dear. It's back to work in two days. And I'm still looking for a new job. I've applied to 3 so far but because of the holidays, I haven't heard a thing in terms of interviews.

But, I did start something positive despite all the gloom. I have launched my own beauty blog. PM me if you want the link. :)
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The end of 2008 has been a mix of ups and downs for me.

Read more if you'd like a peek into the world of jinnyisms2 )

The Setup

Dec. 13th, 2008 10:13 am
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I am at a mental and emotional crossroads. My general well-being feels like it's on a roller coaster. One minute I'm fine, the next minute I've got tears rolling down my cheeks. And why?

As always, it's work.

I received my review this past week and let's just say it was not good. Which, to be honest, was really a surprise to me. I knew that the one person I have had problems with in the past would not give me anything less than a scathing review, but I was sure that over the past year, I had done enough work for others that it would balance my file out. It turns out, no.

I would love to give details but this is not the right forum for it, especially since I don't plan on locking the post. All I can say is that I feel that since the review, I've done some digging on my own and I've found out that I was lied to, and just in general treated in a most unfair manner. Hence, the title. I am being set up to be let go.

You know how they say, "the writing's on the wall?" Well, my writing appears to be in all caps, in bright neon pink. Kind of hard to miss it.

So where do I go from here? It's hard to say. Right now, as I've mentioned, I feel alternating waves of hopefulness and despair. Freedom and helplessness. Strength and weakness. I just hope that over time, it evens itself out.

I'm keeping myself open to all kinds of options. Perhaps it's time for a career change. Who knows? With the economy being what it is, it's really quite hard for me to feel altogether comfortable, but I guess it is what it is. As people say, it could always be worse. Unfortunately, that doesn't make me feel better while I'm going through this.

Before I begin a list of motivational cliches that are supposed to make me feel like in reality, this is a "blessing in disguise," I should really just end this post. Maybe at some point, I can look back and experience the always sought after catharsis one craves after trauma. I think I deserve it.
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i have to rein myself in. i've been spending way too much lately in an effort to feel something besides blahness. it has got to stop. the boy and i discussed my limits and i know i'll stick to it if he's holding me accountable. it's not going to be a cold turkey kind of thing, hence it's not a no-buy but a low-buy. the boy thinks i'm ridiculous but whatever - he'll deal with it.

speaking of which, i'm looking forward to spending the week between christmas and new year's with the boy. this past thanksgiving weekend really spoiled me and it made me realize that yes, this is the one i want to marry, and that yes, i really want to live with him. there was a brief scare where his parents may have interrupted our winter vacay, but thankfully they were convinced that it would be best for them to come to ny at a later time.

at the moment, i'm watching intervention on a&e. i have to admit. there is something about this show that just makes me feel better about myself. is that just sick? right now, it's a grad student who's both alcoholic and bulimic. freaking fascinating.

i've got to find more hobbies.

so skerred

Nov. 11th, 2008 05:25 pm
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there are a lot of layoffs going around. i am not a fan.
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How does that sentence make sense? Clearly something dead can't go faster. Can it?

You know what thought I had in my head when I woke up yesterday morning? That my arm fat could suffocate a man. This made the boy laugh jovially at me, but I was serious.

I am now very much convinced that it is my anti-anxiety medication that is making me fat. What to do? The boy forbade me from taking diet pills, even after much pleading on my part. And I refuse to buy a whole new set of work clothes. I would rather look a little "tight" in them. Well, the good news is that I won't be on the anxiety pills forever. The doctor just doesn't think that's a good idea. I guess I'm going to have to find new ways to cope with my issues. Hopefully, I won't go back to being the messy glob of human emotion I was before.

I should focus on good things. Like dinner tonight. I am taking the boy to churrascaria tonight for his birthday dinner. That means lots of meat on sticks for him and lots of vodka for me. I'd say that's an excellent trade-off. Plus, while waiting for dinner to come around (I'm leaving from work you see, since it makes no sense for me to go home), I took a little trip to Bergdorf's to do some more makeup shopping because I have no willpower. Did you know that even the receipts are nicer at Bergdorf's? They're made of some kind of heavy stock paper so that you still feel rich after handing them your money. I suppose it makes sense. If I'm going to drop my money into that particular bucket, I'd like something in return.
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which leads me to online shop. a lot. it's a sickness. goddamn ebay.

i've been adding people like crazy on facebook lately. most recently, it's been students i've taught in the past. i didn't think they'd all accept my requests, that maybe they'd think i was stalking them or something. but surprisingly, they are adding me without any questions. so either they don't think i'm stalking, OR they just don't remember me at all.

what's kind of weird for me is just to see how much people have changed over the years. i don't feel like i've changed much at all. in fact, i like to delude myself into thinking i'll never look less than 5 years younger than my real age. which reminds me... tomorrow is the boy's birthday. now i'll only be "4" years older than him. i'll be less of a cougar, more of a really hot lynx.

i should be reading some patents right now. but i just can't.
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I arrived in Nashville about half an hour ago. I'm waiting for my friend's flight to come in before we head to our hotel and go grab some bbq. We're here for a co-worker's wedding. Apparently, we're the only ones from work who are coming. Whatever happened to strength in numbers?

What's sad is the only thing I can get excited about is the idea of going to Waffle House. I've been through the South about a million and one times and never had a waffle at Waffle House. Truly a sad state of affairs. I hope this trip fixes that huge gaping hole in my experiences.

The boy is in Vegas at the moment at a bachelor party. From what I can tell, my training has prepared him well for the battlefield of hookers out there who are just waiting to take my beautiful boy away from me. A text message early this morning informed me that at least 7 strippers now know of me and are jealous. Now, whether they are jealous of him for having such a great relationship, or of me for having such a faithful boyfriend, was not specified. But I suppose it doesn't matter.

I've come up with some great rhymes in the meantime, that I've told him over the phone:

Neener, neener, neener.
Who's touching your wiener?

Rose are red,
Violets are blue.
Don't think I won't pierce your scrotum with thatched reed traveling at hurricane-like speeds if you cheat on me.

Mirror mirror on the wall.
If [boy] cheats, I'll kill them all.


Poetry? Perhaps. What's more important is the way I can keep to a theme. :)

funny qotd

Sep. 30th, 2008 11:31 pm
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someone just said to me on the phone: "i'm not sure how to deal with her secrecy about money and jesus."

ouch

Sep. 29th, 2008 04:25 pm
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i've been saying that a lot lately.

too much working and not enough sleeping has made me even more clutzy than usual. an almost impossible task for sure, but something i apparently have accomplished nonetheless.

i am also quite certain that i have some kind of a cold. i don't necessarily have a constant running nose, but the sinus pressure pain stays with me no matter what i do.

and then there's the ever-present muscle tightness. the boy and i went out and got chinese back rubs last night and while they were absolutely what i needed and deserved, the effects are sadly short-lived and i'm kind of back where i was pre-back rub.

but i am losing weight. woo hoo.
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in approximately one hour, i am to have dinner with my two partners, another associate, our expert and the client. i learned this approximately two hours ago. i hope i don't 1) do anything stupid, or 2) eat too much.

i don't want to eat too much because in approximately four hours, my brother will be landing at jfk and we are supposed to have dinner together (with my bf in attendance as well). and besides that, i am trying to avoid becoming a gray whale roaming the halls of my firm, looking for beaches to throw myself upon. i'm not there yet but it's impending.

becoming a gray whale is a possibility because i've been working too much and sleeping too little. same old story as before. my metabolism is shot, i have no idea what day it is most of the time, and i think my apartment is starting to smell a little.

it seems like everyone is swamped at the moment. is it the financial crash or is just because it's mid-september? either way, it's not going to stop me from attending the ATP festival this weekend. i will be listening to slightly known, noise-producing, indie (but don't call them indie) bands all weekend. should be fun.
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I'm trying to take advantage of a newfound enthusiasm for working. I've decided I'm going to try to attain a certain level of combat bonus and so I need to work. Not a crazy amount, but a fairly large amount. Thank goodness I've got TV to keep me company. Currently, I'm watching the Omaha event of the World Series of Poker. And of course, there's the internets.

Sigh. It doesn't help that I've gotten invited to so many events lately. Paintball, friends' gigs, 2 weddings, 2 baby showers, a music festival, etc. Just thinking about it makes me... exhausted.

The rough times I referred to earlier have resolved themselves for the most part. A mental breakdown, a plea bargain and a possible breast tumor later, and nothing's great, but it is better. (I should clarify that these things did not all happen to the same person.)

My response to these issues? I bought a 360 elite. Yeah, I went for the electronics. I'm such a dork. I just bought the 60gb ps3, but now I've also got the 120gb 360. And I bought all these games. Which I can't play. Because I'm working so much. It's a vicious cycle. And I've been buying a lot of makeup too, which I've now justified in my head because I've found someone who's willing to take all the items that are the wrong color for me.

Me is a basket case. Me knows. Time for ice cream.
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life has been so busy lately that i feel out of breath. but in a good way i suppose. well, at least most of it.

i was in california last week. did 6 flights in 3 days. i don't recommend that to anyone. it's not fun. the air on planes smells funny and the bagels in first class suck.

i have a few friends going through some rough times and i'm not sure how i feel about it yet. part of me feels too tired to deal with other people's stresses, but another part of me can't help but worry for them.

meanwhile, work has picked up a lot but i'm still not motivated.
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that's it. it's armageddon time. for the umpteenth day in a row in nyc, there has been rain. i can barely see outside my window right now. normally, i sit in my office in the dark but today, i had to turn on the lights just so i could read.

i realize i might be taking the weather a bit personal, but it's because i'm not exactly convinced that it's NOT.
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