fear

Jun. 17th, 2011 02:15 pm
adiva: (Default)
In these past few days, I've found myself doing a complete 180 on the things I thought I knew. I thought I knew I was going to be a teacher next year, but it turns out, my school had other plans. Or should I say, ex-school. I thought I would just use law as a way to fill time without actually making any money. However, it may now be the only way I can make any money in the near future. I thought I was going to just continue thinking about a food business with the plans of making it a reality 10 years from now. Nope, that's been moved up a bit, by something like 9 years.

What the hell is going on?

I wish I knew. And I wish I wasn't so scared about the future. You would think that with everything I've been through, I'd have some confidence, some esteem, some moxie for chrissakes. But no, I've got a constant knot in the pit of my stomach and a feeling that things may crash down around me at any moment.

But, it's kind of exciting too. I feel as though it's only through fear that I will accomplish anything. Never written a patent app before? No worries, I'll learn. Don't know how to market candies? That's okay. I can google. Doing my first big out-of-town craft fair to sell lip products that can melt in the Texas heat? Easy peasy - get some ice packs.

Fear can certainly be my undoing, but it can also be what saves me from another job where I'm misunderstood and treated like dirt.

slower?

Dec. 7th, 2010 09:18 pm
adiva: (Default)
My life for the past four months has been filled with teaching, training to be a different kind of teacher, making lip balms, selling lip balms, cooking new recipes, and buying a house.

I feel like a completely different person as a result. I regularly go days without checking Facebook. I have no idea what's on the news. I haven't been able to finish a task list since I don't know when. I get sleepy around 9 at night. And I don't sleep the whole night through. Ever.

And yet I love my life. I'm excited and happy and feeling really positive about the future.
adiva: (Default)
I'm fully back into teaching again. The week before last, I was allowed to observe the other science teacher take the kids through a "Boot Camp" where they learned some basics and really got a feel for what science would be like at the school where I'm teaching. It was an excellent way for me to get to know my future 6th graders without having to actually lead them from the get go.

This past week was the first week of regular school. Everything went quite smoothly and I really love being back in the classroom. The kids are adorable, well-behaved (for the most part), and eager to learn. It really is a pleasure to watch them in action.

This past week also marks my receipt of the first angry parent email. And I think I may hate this person.

Thankfully, this parent has a history and the entire school (co-teachers and administration alike) are behind me 100%. What has also helped the situation immensely is that after having been through two horrible law firms, I can honestly say that it takes a whole lot more to ruffle my feathers now, than say five years ago.

I wish I could post the emails here (all 4 of them) because I'd love to spotlight this person as a nemesis to society, but I don't think this is an appropriate forum, so if you'd like, I can email it to you directly. To sum, I've deduced that this person: 1) is most likely a sociopath, and 2) is a misogynist. Two traits that I wish did not exist in any parent, especially not together, but alas, it is what it is. As my friend put it, "I hope [parent's] kid becomes a junkie and dies while doing theater at a liberal arts college in Northern Saskatchewan."

May 2012

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