i've got issues
Feb. 5th, 2008 02:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adivaI feel ridiculous posting this but I just need to get it out. My usual phone buddy seems to be MIA and I am feeling it.
Okay, so here goes. I love my boy. I really do. And as I've mentioned before, I think we'll be together for a very very long time. None of that is in question. But I am a girl, so of course, I must have issues, because we all have issues, and well, girls are just better at recognizing them (IMHO).
My boy, as great as he is when we are face to face, is really, for the most part, absolutely awful over the phone. After much thought and discussion, I think the problem can be summarized as follows: 1) he talks to me like I'm one of his guy friends, 2) he is very honest, and 3) he is a robot. You're probably wondering - how does this all add up? Well, it leads to conversations like:
Me: Hey, should I come over this Wednesday?
Him: I guess so.
Me: Is that a yes?
Him: I guess so.
*silence ensues*
This past weekend, it really kind of got bad on my end because he wanted to stay at his own place on Friday to refocus so he could really start being more productive (he's been in a bit of a procrastinator slump for a month or so). Then, on Saturday, he wanted to stay home because he still needed to clean his room and he wanted to work out on Sunday morning before the pigout-fest I was preparing for Superbowl. Now, I actually don't think I have much of a problem with him wanting to take care of his things, but it's the way he says it. On Saturday, he left me a voicemail and said he had changed his mind about coming over for the reasons I just listed, and that I could call him back if I wanted, otherwise, he'd just see me the next day. Then click. Now, me, in my sensitive state, after having been treated like utter crap by two ridiculously horrible men for those lost years of 1995-2005, just started crying. I was disappointed. Hurt. Saddened. And irrational. I admit it. I was thinking crazy crazy things, like how much I wanted to avoid being hurt and that it really meant I should just break up with him. Mind you, even at the height of my irrationality, I knew that was a bad idea, that he probably had no idea that he came across that way, and that if he did, he would try to fix it.
And fix it he did. I reluctantly answered the phone mid-day on Sunday and agreed to let him come over early. (He could tell I was reticent and said that he could wait but that he really wanted to come over then. So I said, Ummm... ok.) And when he showed up, he brought me a flower. And he was honestly very helpful with the pre-party setup, etc. (although I would have appreciated his help on Friday night and Saturday too...) And after everyone left, it turned out he wanted to spend Sunday night at my place and later even told me that he had missed me since he hadn't seen me all weekend. All very warm, fuzzy and touching. Again, I agree. And to be honest, from the moment he showed up at my door on Sunday, I was happy. Really, honestly happy.
But it's Tuesday now and I still can't shake the feeling that I really need to talk to him about how he needs to do a few things if he wants to keep me from feeling so hurt and lonely when he's not around. Simple things. Like, if he's going to stay at his place even though he usually spends it at mine (like on the weekends), he can do that but he needs to add something like "We'll spend more time together at X time." And when I ask him if he wants to hang out at a certain time, he needs to give me assertions, not just "I guess so's" because that just makes me feel like I'm twisting his arm. I just think the robot needs a little reprogramming is all.
Okay, huff, puff. I think I'm done. I don't think I'm being unreasonable about this. I think he'll take it well. I know he loves me a lot and cares about me. He just has no idea what he's doing and well, if I don't say something, I'm likely to do something rash and regrettable.
Okay, so here goes. I love my boy. I really do. And as I've mentioned before, I think we'll be together for a very very long time. None of that is in question. But I am a girl, so of course, I must have issues, because we all have issues, and well, girls are just better at recognizing them (IMHO).
My boy, as great as he is when we are face to face, is really, for the most part, absolutely awful over the phone. After much thought and discussion, I think the problem can be summarized as follows: 1) he talks to me like I'm one of his guy friends, 2) he is very honest, and 3) he is a robot. You're probably wondering - how does this all add up? Well, it leads to conversations like:
Me: Hey, should I come over this Wednesday?
Him: I guess so.
Me: Is that a yes?
Him: I guess so.
*silence ensues*
This past weekend, it really kind of got bad on my end because he wanted to stay at his own place on Friday to refocus so he could really start being more productive (he's been in a bit of a procrastinator slump for a month or so). Then, on Saturday, he wanted to stay home because he still needed to clean his room and he wanted to work out on Sunday morning before the pigout-fest I was preparing for Superbowl. Now, I actually don't think I have much of a problem with him wanting to take care of his things, but it's the way he says it. On Saturday, he left me a voicemail and said he had changed his mind about coming over for the reasons I just listed, and that I could call him back if I wanted, otherwise, he'd just see me the next day. Then click. Now, me, in my sensitive state, after having been treated like utter crap by two ridiculously horrible men for those lost years of 1995-2005, just started crying. I was disappointed. Hurt. Saddened. And irrational. I admit it. I was thinking crazy crazy things, like how much I wanted to avoid being hurt and that it really meant I should just break up with him. Mind you, even at the height of my irrationality, I knew that was a bad idea, that he probably had no idea that he came across that way, and that if he did, he would try to fix it.
And fix it he did. I reluctantly answered the phone mid-day on Sunday and agreed to let him come over early. (He could tell I was reticent and said that he could wait but that he really wanted to come over then. So I said, Ummm... ok.) And when he showed up, he brought me a flower. And he was honestly very helpful with the pre-party setup, etc. (although I would have appreciated his help on Friday night and Saturday too...) And after everyone left, it turned out he wanted to spend Sunday night at my place and later even told me that he had missed me since he hadn't seen me all weekend. All very warm, fuzzy and touching. Again, I agree. And to be honest, from the moment he showed up at my door on Sunday, I was happy. Really, honestly happy.
But it's Tuesday now and I still can't shake the feeling that I really need to talk to him about how he needs to do a few things if he wants to keep me from feeling so hurt and lonely when he's not around. Simple things. Like, if he's going to stay at his place even though he usually spends it at mine (like on the weekends), he can do that but he needs to add something like "We'll spend more time together at X time." And when I ask him if he wants to hang out at a certain time, he needs to give me assertions, not just "I guess so's" because that just makes me feel like I'm twisting his arm. I just think the robot needs a little reprogramming is all.
Okay, huff, puff. I think I'm done. I don't think I'm being unreasonable about this. I think he'll take it well. I know he loves me a lot and cares about me. He just has no idea what he's doing and well, if I don't say something, I'm likely to do something rash and regrettable.
