Still Thinking

How does that sentence make sense? Clearly something dead can't go faster. Can it?

You know what thought I had in my head when I woke up yesterday morning? That my arm fat could suffocate a man. This made the boy laugh jovially at me, but I was serious.

I am now very much convinced that it is my anti-anxiety medication that is making me fat. What to do? The boy forbade me from taking diet pills, even after much pleading on my part. And I refuse to buy a whole new set of work clothes. I would rather look a little "tight" in them. Well, the good news is that I won't be on the anxiety pills forever. The doctor just doesn't think that's a good idea. I guess I'm going to have to find new ways to cope with my issues. Hopefully, I won't go back to being the messy glob of human emotion I was before.

I should focus on good things. Like dinner tonight. I am taking the boy to churrascaria tonight for his birthday dinner. That means lots of meat on sticks for him and lots of vodka for me. I'd say that's an excellent trade-off. Plus, while waiting for dinner to come around (I'm leaving from work you see, since it makes no sense for me to go home), I took a little trip to Bergdorf's to do some more makeup shopping because I have no willpower. Did you know that even the receipts are nicer at Bergdorf's? They're made of some kind of heavy stock paper so that you still feel rich after handing them your money. I suppose it makes sense. If I'm going to drop my money into that particular bucket, I'd like something in return.

My new corn snake, Falcor, will be arriving on Tuesday. I am so utterly excited. :) I just know I'm going to fall in love the moment I see him. And then I'll just die, die, die from the love in my house between the cats, the hamster and the snake. And when the boy visits on the weekend, I may just explode from the overwhelming gravitational effect of the loving.

Ahem.

Anyways, I'm back from Chicago. It was a wonderful vacation. I am about 5 pounds heavier, but it was soooo worth it. I unfortunately, did not get to eat gator, but I did eat shark. I also had some excellent hot dogs at Hot Doug's. Mmmmm...

And, as usual, I'm even more in love with the boy. I'm not sure how that's possible, but it is. I demanded that he say something romantic to me before our vacation ended, and he came up with a good one: "I know I don't express it that often, but I am proud to have you as my girlfriend. I look at you and think 'Wow, that's [jinnyisms2]. And she's my girlfriend.'" Aaaaannnnhhhh...

I also took this opportunity to tell the boy about my first crazy bf. He took it well, but commented on how it was hard to believe that those things happened to me. Sigh. Yeah, it's hard for me too.

on to the brutal truth.

i is so bored. so so bored. and in pain. cramps. you know the deal. wish i could stick a knife into my belly. and i have a hunger headache. but it's all for a good cause. going to mesa grill tonight and want to make sure to have an appetite.

sorry for the stream of consciousness. blame it on boredom, pain, and hunger.

Got back on a red eye this morning. Needless to say, work was a bust. Ended up with an hour and a half of billing before leaving at 2. Ha ha ha.

Let's catch up. Last Tuesday, I went to a summer associate event and ended up being the last one standing. I drank for 10 hours! But I'm still alive. And the memories, oh, the memories...

Fourth of July consisted of waking up (still a little intoxicated) early enough to get to Coney Island to watch the devastating defeat of Kobayashi at the annual hot dog eating contest. But that is not to say that he didn't do work. He managed to beat the old record by eating 63 HDBs (hot dogs and buns) in 12 minutes, but Joey Chestnut scarfed down an impressive 66 HDBs. And, either way, I was a winner since Kobayashi had me with the Asian thing and Chestnut is from San Jose. I had to represent... South Bay! The rest of the day was nice and leisurely, ending with some tasty Rolo shots before napping, packing, and getting up in the middle of the night to catch my early flight to Cali.

Cali was awesome, as usual. I have new wavy/curly hair. I got to see my bff before she takes off for Boise with her hubby. I ate some of the best seafood I've ever had in my life (Old Port Lobster Shack in Redwood City is a must). And, I watched one of my dearest high school best friends tie the knot in a lovely ceremony at a vineyard near my hometown. Not to mention making some serious connections in the friends department at the wedding. I had a great time. And the pre-bf made quite the impression on me by staying in touch every day and calling to see if I made it back from my flights okay both on my way to Cali and on my way back... shock hasn't worn off yet. We'll see how he reacts to the hair tomorrow night.

And now I'm back. Already, I've spent approximately $215 today on things ranging from a new cell phone plan with T-Mobile (trying to take advantage of this new Hotspot@Home scheme), some anti-frizz products for my new wavy/curly hair, and a kick ass fan to help me sleep at night without sweating to death. I think I may have gone a little giddy considering I finally got my security deposit back after over 2 months.

Wish me luck.

it's what i just had for lunch. and it was delicious.

so i've been thinking a lot lately about what it is that makes me the way i am. i know i'm going through a particularly stressful time right now, but i have to think some of it was with me from a very early age, possibly even when i was a baby. i think i've always been liberal with colors, more than a little brash in my speech, and somewhat on the dark side in terms of humor.

but what makes me want to be in a relationship so bad? if i was with someone, would i really be happier? is loneliness so strong with me that it clouds every other consideration i should be considering? but i'm clearly not desperate enough to just hook up with anyone. otherwise, i would have.

and with my father, why can't i just have a normal conversation with him? i know that in actuality, no one does, but still, what is it about him and me that just makes me start yelling at him? i have patience everywhere else. that's actually a double-edged thought though, because at the same time that i think my family encourages loopiness, i've also been wondering if my loopiness really is genetic (as my mother would say.). to make things even worse, i wonder what i will do and be like when he's gone?

and with work, the real question is "how did i get here?" here, this cesspool of incompetence and imbecility. how did i get here? i don't consider myself particularly self-destructive. in fact, i consider myself someone who is not afraid to take risks in the hopes of ending up in a better place that is a bit different from everyone else. i would also consider myself self-promoting, a skill that is key to success in this world. and yet, how did i get here?

i finished the second DVD of my firefly series DVDs last night. they're really really good! and funny. i wasn't expecting so much funniness.

so i was at macys again yesterday, trying to buy a nice bathroom rug while i had my little discount card. but they didn't have the right color. and now i'm worried, what if no one has the right color? sigh... it's not even like i want a design for chrissakes, just a goddamn solid color.

but i was able to make a successful trip to the korean market after my failed attempt at buying home goods. when you fail in that regard, the obvious answer is to resort to buying food. you can never go wrong there. so, i finally bought a bag of rice (this is crucial as none of the grocery stores in my swanky UES neighborhood carries asian rice) and i made rice last night! this is the first time i've made rice since i moved into this apt. (a little over a year ago). and i also bought 5 different kinds of ramen, some radish kimchi and spicy pickles. for dessert, i picked up some frozen red bean buns and mochi. i had quite the feast last night. and i was happy.

after drinking a bottle of champagne (minus the one glass k had) last night and one and a half very large pieces of pizza (but so good!), i came home and drunkenly snarfed down half a napoleon. this thing was amazing. after having been in the fridge for over 4 days, it was still flaky, creamy, and not soggy. how is that possible? i think they're magic.

oh, and i just realized last week that i live, oh, about 5 blocks from a POPEYE'S CHICKEN. how could i not have known that? wouldn't i have smelled it? is my yummy chicken radar broken? hmmm....