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On our bike ride this past Saturday, while crossing the Williamsburg Bridge, the boy and I had a particularly entertaining New York moment. We passed a man, who may or may not have been homeless, riding a unicycle. And not just a normal, run-of-the-mill unicycle, but a seriously tall, like 7 feet in the air, unicycle.

I wish we had our cameras on us at the time. It would've been priceless.

Two questions: 1) how did he get on the unicycle? and 2) how did he manage to pedal up the upwards part of the bridge? (The second question is really more out of pure envy since on a regular bike, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack by the time I reach the mid-point of any bridge.)
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i have to rein myself in. i've been spending way too much lately in an effort to feel something besides blahness. it has got to stop. the boy and i discussed my limits and i know i'll stick to it if he's holding me accountable. it's not going to be a cold turkey kind of thing, hence it's not a no-buy but a low-buy. the boy thinks i'm ridiculous but whatever - he'll deal with it.

speaking of which, i'm looking forward to spending the week between christmas and new year's with the boy. this past thanksgiving weekend really spoiled me and it made me realize that yes, this is the one i want to marry, and that yes, i really want to live with him. there was a brief scare where his parents may have interrupted our winter vacay, but thankfully they were convinced that it would be best for them to come to ny at a later time.

at the moment, i'm watching intervention on a&e. i have to admit. there is something about this show that just makes me feel better about myself. is that just sick? right now, it's a grad student who's both alcoholic and bulimic. freaking fascinating.

i've got to find more hobbies.
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How does that sentence make sense? Clearly something dead can't go faster. Can it?

You know what thought I had in my head when I woke up yesterday morning? That my arm fat could suffocate a man. This made the boy laugh jovially at me, but I was serious.

I am now very much convinced that it is my anti-anxiety medication that is making me fat. What to do? The boy forbade me from taking diet pills, even after much pleading on my part. And I refuse to buy a whole new set of work clothes. I would rather look a little "tight" in them. Well, the good news is that I won't be on the anxiety pills forever. The doctor just doesn't think that's a good idea. I guess I'm going to have to find new ways to cope with my issues. Hopefully, I won't go back to being the messy glob of human emotion I was before.

I should focus on good things. Like dinner tonight. I am taking the boy to churrascaria tonight for his birthday dinner. That means lots of meat on sticks for him and lots of vodka for me. I'd say that's an excellent trade-off. Plus, while waiting for dinner to come around (I'm leaving from work you see, since it makes no sense for me to go home), I took a little trip to Bergdorf's to do some more makeup shopping because I have no willpower. Did you know that even the receipts are nicer at Bergdorf's? They're made of some kind of heavy stock paper so that you still feel rich after handing them your money. I suppose it makes sense. If I'm going to drop my money into that particular bucket, I'd like something in return.
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I arrived in Nashville about half an hour ago. I'm waiting for my friend's flight to come in before we head to our hotel and go grab some bbq. We're here for a co-worker's wedding. Apparently, we're the only ones from work who are coming. Whatever happened to strength in numbers?

What's sad is the only thing I can get excited about is the idea of going to Waffle House. I've been through the South about a million and one times and never had a waffle at Waffle House. Truly a sad state of affairs. I hope this trip fixes that huge gaping hole in my experiences.

The boy is in Vegas at the moment at a bachelor party. From what I can tell, my training has prepared him well for the battlefield of hookers out there who are just waiting to take my beautiful boy away from me. A text message early this morning informed me that at least 7 strippers now know of me and are jealous. Now, whether they are jealous of him for having such a great relationship, or of me for having such a faithful boyfriend, was not specified. But I suppose it doesn't matter.

I've come up with some great rhymes in the meantime, that I've told him over the phone:

Neener, neener, neener.
Who's touching your wiener?

Rose are red,
Violets are blue.
Don't think I won't pierce your scrotum with thatched reed traveling at hurricane-like speeds if you cheat on me.

Mirror mirror on the wall.
If [boy] cheats, I'll kill them all.


Poetry? Perhaps. What's more important is the way I can keep to a theme. :)
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in approximately one hour, i am to have dinner with my two partners, another associate, our expert and the client. i learned this approximately two hours ago. i hope i don't 1) do anything stupid, or 2) eat too much.

i don't want to eat too much because in approximately four hours, my brother will be landing at jfk and we are supposed to have dinner together (with my bf in attendance as well). and besides that, i am trying to avoid becoming a gray whale roaming the halls of my firm, looking for beaches to throw myself upon. i'm not there yet but it's impending.

becoming a gray whale is a possibility because i've been working too much and sleeping too little. same old story as before. my metabolism is shot, i have no idea what day it is most of the time, and i think my apartment is starting to smell a little.

it seems like everyone is swamped at the moment. is it the financial crash or is just because it's mid-september? either way, it's not going to stop me from attending the ATP festival this weekend. i will be listening to slightly known, noise-producing, indie (but don't call them indie) bands all weekend. should be fun.
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yesterday was the 1 year anniversary for me and the boy. i joked with him for about a week that he should send me flowers. but i tried to make it really clear that i was joking. but of course, he sent flowers to me at work.



annnnnhhhh.

we couldn't see each other yesterday, so instead i made him talk to me on the phone. he wasn't allowed to watch TV, use the computer, or read while talking to me. meaning, he had to actually pay attention. i asked for 20 minutes, he lasted for more than 40. i was super impressed.

tonight, though, we'll see each other in person. we've got reservations for union square cafe because we didn't want anything too fancy. i'm looking forward to it.
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My new corn snake, Falcor, will be arriving on Tuesday. I am so utterly excited. :) I just know I'm going to fall in love the moment I see him. And then I'll just die, die, die from the love in my house between the cats, the hamster and the snake. And when the boy visits on the weekend, I may just explode from the overwhelming gravitational effect of the loving.

Ahem.

Anyways, I'm back from Chicago. It was a wonderful vacation. I am about 5 pounds heavier, but it was soooo worth it. I unfortunately, did not get to eat gator, but I did eat shark. I also had some excellent hot dogs at Hot Doug's. Mmmmm...

And, as usual, I'm even more in love with the boy. I'm not sure how that's possible, but it is. I demanded that he say something romantic to me before our vacation ended, and he came up with a good one: "I know I don't express it that often, but I am proud to have you as my girlfriend. I look at you and think 'Wow, that's [jinnyisms2]. And she's my girlfriend.'" Aaaaannnnhhhh...

I also took this opportunity to tell the boy about my first crazy bf. He took it well, but commented on how it was hard to believe that those things happened to me. Sigh. Yeah, it's hard for me too.
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sorry everyone. i'm finally starting to re-emerge from the work cave i was in for a few weeks. i'm not sure how i survived, but i did. and my new partners like me, so it's all good.

not a whole lot going on. flying out for 4th of july weekend to attend taste of chicago. i plan on eating alligator and all sorts of new things. and the weather looks like it might not suck while the boy and i are there, so that's a bonus.

as of today, i have 1,650 days left doing the job i do. then i'm out (at least that's the current plan). oh, i've also started a new countdown. this time, it's to the day that i move in with the boy. i have 248 days left for that deadline. (you think i'm crazy, but trust me, it helps me with my anxiety. don't ask why, i'm not sure i know anyway.)

alright, time to head home.
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i just read an article about things you shouldn't say to As-Am's (like "Where are you from?" and "You speak English good.") and it reminded me of a funny story.

The boy and I bought bottled water to take on the cruise. It happened to be Fiji water. So, one day, we're sitting around with the boy's family and his aunt notices me drinking one of the bottled waters. She repeats the name to herself and then asks me... "Are you from there?"

I honestly didn't know what to say. My gut reaction was to be sarcastic because well, that's really one of the silliest questions I've gotten in a long time. So I tried to remind myself that she is from Florida and that I am trying to marry the boy. I just responded with "No" and left it at that.

I think the boy almost died from trying to keep the laughter inside. I hope the story gave you a laugh too.

(20 minutes left till my 3 day weekend.)
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now i've done and seen almost everything.

last night, i went to a prog rock concert. if you had asked me just 6 months ago, "jinnyisms2, do you think you'd ever go to a prog rock concert?" my answer would probably have been "why the f would i?"

and yet, there i was. at a dream theater concert. it's the boy's favorite band. it's so tragically floridian. and white. it's why i had to go. he told me there were two rules. 1) i could not fall asleep. and 2) i could not leave. i managed to stay within those boundaries, but it was hard. actually, despite my lack of interest in the music (did i mention before dream theater, there was this band called opec, a swedish death metal band?), i had quite a bit of fun being near the pit and pushing and punching people. i punched 3 or 4 people yesterday and it felt pretty good. then i almost got in a fight with someone outside the theater after the show. hopefully, this will curb my aggression levels for a while.

so, now the boy and i are even. i made him go to the hotel cafe tour and listen to touchy feely folksy grey's anatomy type music (my only rule was that he not criticize my music - i even told him he could bring a book or his DS lite if he wanted). and i have now listened to musicians play 50 billion notes in an hour on their guitars and drum sets, etc. i witnessed a lot of hair, shirts that said things like "behemoth," and i think we may have been the only two actually from manhattan. i'd say it was pretty educational overall. like a nature show.

plus, it meant i got to see the boy last night. his website programming personal project is really making me sad. i only get to be with him for maybe 36 hours out of the whole week (one sleepover on a weekday and one weekend day plus sleepover). and today is a rough day for me (my dad died on this day two years ago) and i wish i could spend more time with him. right now, i'm proceeding with the thought that i won't see him until monday, which seems awfully far away. i'm calling it being "gloomy and doomy." i tried to get an answer out of him this morning about his plans for the weekend, but we decided it would be best for me to remain "gloomy and doomy." otherwise, i risk being "hopeful then disappointed." i ended the conversation by demanding a full weekend in june along with the cushy pillow he's buying me for being good this month. i maybe should have specified that i meant multiple full weekends. oh, i also told him that i may possibly die on saturday from a freak accident. he remained speechless.
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Yesterday, I adopted my very first hamster. I know it usually goes hamster first, larger mammals second (i.e., the cats). But I never do things the usual way.

First off, I already love my hamster. One night is all it took and I think he's the greatest. Second, I am not at my home right now and I just hope he's okay. Here's the deal. Obviously, the two kitties that co-habitate with the hamster are very curious about their new rodent friend. So I decided to put his cage on top of my dresser, which I am sure, for all purposes is not within reach of the felines. But, what if I'm wrong?! I really really hope not. I left them alone for 6 hours last night while at a party and returned to peacefulness. Well, not exactly total peacefulness as there was a lot of hamster wheel action going on at 2:30 in the morning. But now I've been gone for approximately 16.5 hours and I'm getting a little nervous (I'm at the boy's place).

Which leads me to third. So third, I am truly, sadly, pathetically in love with the boy. While he sits in the other room, withdrawing deeper and deeper into his coding cave (a personal project he's been working on for a while), I am content to sit in the other room and blog about my hamster rather than just go home to be with my hamster.

It's sick really. I should just go home. I'm not getting anything here. No attention, no lovin, nothing. But somehow, I still prefer to be here. I think I need meds. I think I need a glass of wine. I think I need a reality check.

Anyway, I will do my typical thing and just ignore my sick, pathetic mushy side and focus on the hamster instead. Of course, there will be pictures soon. He is a Syrian hamster (aka Teddy Bear). His name is Banzuke. He has a darkish brown/grey coloring in stripes where his head and shoulder area have the color and his abdomen down to his tail also have that color. His middle is a beautiful white. His fur is so soft and I can already tell he's going to be very personable. He gnawed for a moment on my finger, but not really in an aggressive way, I think he may have thought I was a tortilla chip (the last thing I ate). He's very inquisitive and has a lot of personality characteristics that remind me of the boy (who helped pick him out btw). For instance, he naps while in the middle of doing things and yawns all the time. He's also surprisingly calm for having his whole world being completely overturned yesterday. He doesn't turn down snacks although he's not a big eater either. And I can tell that he's complicated on the inside while deceivingly simple on the outside.

Yup, that's Banzuke for you. As I said, pictures to come.

Oooh, I also have picked out a name for my pastel motley corn snake that should be arriving in August. I've decided to name him Falcor, after the dragon from Neverending Story. I think their colorations will be similar, hence, the inspiration.
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today is day 17 of no alcohol. AND, i've lost about 4.8 pounds since starting calorie counting. pretty good progress if you ask me. and at this point, i've been able to up my calorie intake since i've gotten so close to my goal - as a result, i don't feel like i'm starving all the time. as for running, the boy and i managed to make it out on saturday the first weekend, both saturday and sunday last weekend, and saturday this weekend. we didn't run today because we just sort of ran out of time so we walked to and from bloomingdale's instead. (in total, we ran/walked almost 16 miles this weekend). to make up for no exercise during the week, i've been doing my best to walk home from work (about 2.8 miles) - this past week, i walked home 4 nights out of 5. :)

the boy and i have discussed it and unless there's a celebratory dinner for his sister's graduation, we won't break our current no-alcohol thing until the first day of the cruise, which is may 5. that means i have, at most, 15 days left of this torture. trust me, i will be counting down the days. ha ha.

today we went shopping and i'm almost completely done getting everything i need for the cruise. i even put on a number of bikinis and had the boy help me pick one out (which basically meant that he said he didn't find any of them particularly offensive). i've got all the dresses i need, a perfect pair of jeans, plenty of tops, and i *think* i have enough shorts (must switch out winter clothes for summer soon). i need just a few more things like more running socks and a pair of black ballet flats (which apparently no one has anymore), and i'm done. as in done, done. unless of course, i convince myself i need to buy more. which is always an option.

did i mention that i managed to tell the partner i'm working with about my cruise and he said, and i quote, "ok"? so i think that's a green light!

so overall, a very good weekend. now if only i could stop feeling horrible every weekend when it's time for the boy to go home, i would be better than peachy. okay, maybe horrible is an overstatement, but i definitely feel sad. i don't know when that will go away. at least i'm not as overly emotional as i was two weekends ago. but still, it's awfully hard.
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it's been a rough week for me emotionally. i've felt generally depressed, fat, unloved, and neglected. throw in some exhaustion and you've got a very unhappy j. i eventually sent the boy a "water me please" email telling him that i needed a little lovin. i got a call in less than 5 minutes. he's fantastic. i saw him last night too, which was really nice and reassuring. i especially need the reassuring part because people around me keep warning me that i may end up as a starter girlfriend.

if you're not familiar with this concept, it goes like this. i train the boy, he becomes grade A+ boyfriend material. i want him to commit, he balks and eventually leaves me. then, he meets someone else and is still grade A+ boyfriend material AND gets engaged almost immediately because suddenly he is ready. this train of thought frightens me more than anything else in the world right now. and i told him about it too. he told me he doesn't think i need to worry about it. that there would have to be some pretty major conflict for him to leave. i told him that of course he says that now, but there's no telling with the future.

i think i'm going to cry soon.
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the boy has done the impossible. he's convinced me to try "running." i have heard about this "running" before from others, but always considered it something for other people to do. you know, people who like to exercise and stuff.

never, in a million years, did i ever think i would do it.

but now i own running shoes, running socks and a jog bra. i think that means i have to do it now. i'm invested. it's the law that i must now collect on my investment.

he speculates that i may someday like running. i told him to put down the crackpipe.

man. what we do for love.
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Vacation was excellent. Or as they say in Spanish, "excellente." The boy and I had a great time, even if it was pretty freaking cold. I reminded him again on Monday about how happy I was that he was a good traveling partner. And I meant it.

Something strange happened to me at work yesterday. I really don't know how I can explain it in words. I felt NOT DUMB. Sorry for the caps there, it's just that the impact of the statement still gets to me. Do you know how long it's been since I felt NOT DUMB? Too long, I tell you. Waaaayyy too long. And the people who made me feel not dumb? Partners! *Gasp!* I know. You think it's hard to understand? Imagine how I feel!

So of course, I drank way too much last night to sort of celebrate (that, and there was a going away thing for someone else who's leaving the firm). And now I'm just hoping that I get left alone. At least until tomorrow.
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I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.

In less than one hour, I leave the office to start my vacation. Tonight we're going to a show (his band, but I kind of like them too, for once). Tomorrow morning, it's off to the airport. We fly to Rochester, visit with his grandparents for a bit, steal their car and head to Niagara.

CASINO! We may or may not enter a poker tournament. Tomorrow also marks the beginning of March Madness so I'll be carrying my brackets around too. Just excitement all over.

Then, Friday morning, we head to Toronto. Yay!!! He's very skeptical about the stuff we'll be able to do while there, but he knows we'll have a good time regardless. I just can't wait to get there. I love me some Canada. Ridiculous I know, but it's true.

Sunday, we head back to Rochester and have Easter Sunday dinner with grandparents (and maybe some other family?!). I am prepared for it and will be on my bestest behavior. I promise. :)

Fly back Monday morning and then we go to one of my shows that night. Return to the office on Tuesday to start working on some serious nucleotide/polypeptide action.
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Man, a lot has happened over this past week. I barely know where to begin. I guess I'll try to start at the beginning.

Tuesday I find out that my ex is wanted for murder and robbery and hasn't been seen since Sunday. Obviously, there's a lot of phone calls and general concern. I was a bit worried he'd be coming my way but luckily, that was not the case.

Tuesday night I find out that the nightmare case I've been working on settled but I'm too worried about the earlier problem to really be happy about it.

Wednesday morning I tell my IT boy about the case settling but purposely don't tell him about the ex thing. This is especially true considering that just the Sunday before, I had assured him that my ex was "harmless." Obviously I was wrong. Later, I spend the day telling a few close friends at work about what's happened with my ex, but I still try to maintain an outer appearance of okayness as the team celebrates the settlement. And to be honest, I am glad that I don't have to go to Texas for a month and that I can go on my cruise with the boy, so it's not all feigned okayness. Some of it is real.

By Wednesday night, I decide that it's time to tell the IT boy what's going on. I tell him. I don't exactly get the reaction I am expecting and I am really hurt by it.

Thursday morning, I get an early phone call informing me that my ex has been picked up in the state nearby and that he is in their custody and that the detectives in my ex's original state have been notified. I am unbelievably relieved by this news.

Thursday night, I tell the IT boy that I'm upset. We have a very good conversation. He said he would definitely protect me from anything bad happening and realized that I had a right to be upset about how he handled things. It was a really cathartic conversation.

Friday, I find out that I have been reassigned to a completely different team. This is both extremely welcome news but also puts doubt on a small vacation I was planning to take later this month because the IT boy has vacation time that needs to be used by the end of March or he loses it. Hmmm... I will do my best to stand my ground on taking that vacation, especially since we were told that we should since the settlement happened, etc. At least for 3 days. I could even try working remotely if that's what they need me to do. We shall see.

So there it is. You're all caught up now. Crazy, right? But I'm happy, safe, and moving forward. I suppose that's all a person can ask for.

If you'd like details on the ex's crimes and a more in-depth chronology, or about anything else I've written here, feel free to shoot me an email.
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Here are the stats:

Day Prior - 1 rental car stuck in snow in front of B&B
Morning Prior - 1 tow out of snow
Day 1 - 4 falls, 1 tackle by a snowboarder, 2 bails coming off the ski lift, 3 beginner slopes
Day 2 - 5 falls, 1 bail coming off ski lift, 3 beginner slopes, 2 intermediate slopes

Overall assessment - Some might call my descent down mountains on two sticks skiing. I reserve judgment but am proud nonetheless.

Bonus points for: making it to the B&B with no accidents while it was snowing baseballs, not being whiny or bitchy about skiing (according to bf), not giving up on skiing despite numerous falls, etc. (according to bf), and arriving back in the city with plenty of time to spare.

I'm just going to say it. I'm awesome!!!
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I was very good and did not initiate contact with the boy this week. No calling, texting or emailing since I said goodbye to him Monday morning. I was prepared to not hear anything until Friday but he texted last night to see if I was coming over this week. I think I'll go over there tonight and talk to him about my aforementioned issues. I'm a wee bit nervous but I think I'll be okay.

Totally unrelated to that is something I'd like to share with you and only you... I know I'm a professional in NYC and all that, but I have something to say.

I actually don't really like Louis Vuitton.

I know, you can take away my lawyer badge, you can revoke my Asian status. I don't care. That stuff if ugly to me and I think I'm finally becoming mentally stable enough to admit it. Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest.
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I feel ridiculous posting this but I just need to get it out. My usual phone buddy seems to be MIA and I am feeling it.

If you really want to know - but I warn you, it's long. )
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