Still Thinking

Vacation was excellent. Or as they say in Spanish, "excellente." The boy and I had a great time, even if it was pretty freaking cold. I reminded him again on Monday about how happy I was that he was a good traveling partner. And I meant it.

Something strange happened to me at work yesterday. I really don't know how I can explain it in words. I felt NOT DUMB. Sorry for the caps there, it's just that the impact of the statement still gets to me. Do you know how long it's been since I felt NOT DUMB? Too long, I tell you. Waaaayyy too long. And the people who made me feel not dumb? Partners! *Gasp!* I know. You think it's hard to understand? Imagine how I feel!

So of course, I drank way too much last night to sort of celebrate (that, and there was a going away thing for someone else who's leaving the firm). And now I'm just hoping that I get left alone. At least until tomorrow.

Man, a lot has happened over this past week. I barely know where to begin. I guess I'll try to start at the beginning.

Tuesday I find out that my ex is wanted for murder and robbery and hasn't been seen since Sunday. Obviously, there's a lot of phone calls and general concern. I was a bit worried he'd be coming my way but luckily, that was not the case.

Tuesday night I find out that the nightmare case I've been working on settled but I'm too worried about the earlier problem to really be happy about it.

Wednesday morning I tell my IT boy about the case settling but purposely don't tell him about the ex thing. This is especially true considering that just the Sunday before, I had assured him that my ex was "harmless." Obviously I was wrong. Later, I spend the day telling a few close friends at work about what's happened with my ex, but I still try to maintain an outer appearance of okayness as the team celebrates the settlement. And to be honest, I am glad that I don't have to go to Texas for a month and that I can go on my cruise with the boy, so it's not all feigned okayness. Some of it is real.

By Wednesday night, I decide that it's time to tell the IT boy what's going on. I tell him. I don't exactly get the reaction I am expecting and I am really hurt by it.

Thursday morning, I get an early phone call informing me that my ex has been picked up in the state nearby and that he is in their custody and that the detectives in my ex's original state have been notified. I am unbelievably relieved by this news.

Thursday night, I tell the IT boy that I'm upset. We have a very good conversation. He said he would definitely protect me from anything bad happening and realized that I had a right to be upset about how he handled things. It was a really cathartic conversation.

Friday, I find out that I have been reassigned to a completely different team. This is both extremely welcome news but also puts doubt on a small vacation I was planning to take later this month because the IT boy has vacation time that needs to be used by the end of March or he loses it. Hmmm... I will do my best to stand my ground on taking that vacation, especially since we were told that we should since the settlement happened, etc. At least for 3 days. I could even try working remotely if that's what they need me to do. We shall see.

So there it is. You're all caught up now. Crazy, right? But I'm happy, safe, and moving forward. I suppose that's all a person can ask for.

If you'd like details on the ex's crimes and a more in-depth chronology, or about anything else I've written here, feel free to shoot me an email.

I was very good and did not initiate contact with the boy this week. No calling, texting or emailing since I said goodbye to him Monday morning. I was prepared to not hear anything until Friday but he texted last night to see if I was coming over this week. I think I'll go over there tonight and talk to him about my aforementioned issues. I'm a wee bit nervous but I think I'll be okay.

Totally unrelated to that is something I'd like to share with you and only you... I know I'm a professional in NYC and all that, but I have something to say.

I actually don't really like Louis Vuitton.

I know, you can take away my lawyer badge, you can revoke my Asian status. I don't care. That stuff if ugly to me and I think I'm finally becoming mentally stable enough to admit it. Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest.

Looks like I have a pretty good chance of making the cruise. It seems like our trial will only be for one week total, so I'm obviously very excited about this news. To help solidify my chances, I'm going to think positively by doing crunches and push-ups to prepare for a bathing suit, and I will ask my mom to pray for me (I like giving her little jobs like that).

Oh yeah, hoarder personality/work depression totally took over today. I ordered a crapload of games today, but at least none of them were very expensive. I really hope this nonsense ends soon. People are talking about adding 4 more depositions to my workload. 4!!!

I love them. It's MLK day here in the states and my office made it a holiday. Okay, so technically, I'm working right now from home, but it still beats going to the office. Which I have to do tomorrow. :(

Another lovely time spent with my boy. I was a bit intoxicated on Friday night and told him that I would marry him. I also played 20 questions and confirmed that he hasn't had many girlfriends, which makes all his behaviors totally understandable (i.e., that he's no rico suave). He also told me that he absolutely thinks about our long-term future and that he would marry me too (although we both agree not any time soon). The idea of marriage still makes me a bit squeamish. Well, anyway, I was delighted to say the least at my newest discoveries. If my efforts at studying him continue, I may very well just tag his ear and start monitoring his diet. :P

Seriously.

My boy may be emotionally flat at times, but he delivers when it matters. (Note: I may be a bit drunk right now so I apologize for any rambling, ranting or nonsensicalness...)

I had a bad day today. Lots of reasons - the two foremost being my mother and work. Maybe not in that order. Anyway, I come home and thought, "Oh dear. [The boy] doesn't care about me; he hasn't called." So I called a friend to bitch. Not even one minute in and the boy calls. So I answer the call. He says he has good news and bad. The bad news is that he's not feeling well so he wants to go to bed early by himself tonight. Fine. Good news is that he wants to spend as much time with me as possible this weekend so assuming that he feels better tomorrow, we can walk across the Brooklyn Bridge and eat at Grimaldi's.

So we start discussing details. Before I get too far, I feel a major emotional breakdown coming on so I ask if I can call him back. 10 minutes of sobbing later, he texts me: "Now you have me worried. :( call back soon please..."

How can a girl resist that?! So of course, I call and tell him in my crying voice: "You don't have to worry." He then says he's willing to come over to make me feel better. I assure him that it's not necessary. So he says, "Do you want to talk about it?" Of course I feign not wanting to talk about it before launching into a 45 minute rant about everything that's wrong with my life. Okay, I admit it. I'm a fucking girl. Whatever.

Anyways, the point is, 1) he listened. 2) He was willing to sacrifice himself to come over. 3) I've had more than a few beers. All of this combined means I feel butterflies in my stomach and more than ever, I think this guy may be it. I'm not going to say it, but I will say it rhymes with "A Ton". If you don't get that, then I officially declare that you and I, whoever you are, are not on the same level. We don't see eye to eye, someone would lose if we were mano y mano. You get the idea.

All I'm saying is that he knows he's lucky to have someone like me who is okay with his somewhat robotic nature. I, on the other hand, am lucky to have someone who is genuine and really cares about me. I didn't think these things were possible, but now? I just don't know. (Or do I???)

Accck. I love him. I feel so awkward, confused and ecstatic at the same time. I guess I should have one more beer. Glug, glug, glug.

it turns out work did not get better. it got much, much worse.

it's why i've been missing. for a while there, i was too depressed to do anything social (which included blogging and yelping) and then my mom and brother arrived in new york for the xmas visit.

in fact, they're still here. my mom is currently taking a nap after a long day of walking around and my brother is shopping for CDs while i sit in a starbucks because it has a wireless connection and i need to work. yup, you heard me. WORK. once again, i'm faced with the fact that i am not meant to be in a law firm. me needs to find something else to do.

but other than that, i suppose everything is good.

i just have to be careful not to let work depression seep into other parts of my life. for instance, i really need to see my boyfriend. hopefully tonight. i'm getting a little paranoid (admittedly, for no good reason) that we are doomed for failure. i even talked to him about it to help relieve the little voice in my head from screaming so loud. that helped for about 8 hours.

i know. i'm borderline psycho.

well, and the turkey sniffles. cough, cough.

so, how did thanksgiving go? it went really really well. IT boy's family was a trip and they were super-nice to me. there were a few awkward moments on my end, but i think they were all in my head. and they've got quirks, but then again, who doesn't. i would be such a liar if i tried to say my family was even close to normal. ha ha.

IT boy and i also had some great talks before and during the trip and honestly, the talking just makes me love him more. he also made peanut butter cookies for me while at his parent's - which i found incredibly touching. :D

so, here's the breakdown of activities: turkey, post-turkey napping, boating, manatees, oyster bar, ICE at the gaylord palms resort, beach, chick-fil-a, tijuana flats hot sauce tasting, islands of adventure and universal studios.

you will notice - there was no mention of mickey. that was on purpose.

and i just want to add that my bf is the besterest. he didn't want to come over last night since i'm sick (and in quarantine) but he still dropped by my apartment and left a care package for me. it even had a wii game in it!

okay, back to work. cough, cough.

The most exciting thing that's happened today involved me trying out these new 2-flavor doritos (buffalo wings and blue cheese).

Obviously, that means I'm back from California. The IT boy and I had a lovely time, although it was very very tiring. I am still trying to recover. Day 1 involved going to Google to see a friend and get a tour, and then hitting up a bunch of SF classic spots (Lombard St., COIT Tower, etc.). Day 2 was Monterey with the mom and brother. Then, that night the brother took us to a cool bar where we saw some SF classic music performances and fans (read: B.O. and body hair). Day 3 was more SF but it was really rainy so didn't get a whole lot done. Day 4 saw us going down to Hearst Castle. Day 5 was the highway 1 drive and a totally exhausting 2.5 mile hike (for a change in elevation of 1200 feet). I'm glad we did the hike but I can't walk in a straight line right now.

Now I'm back at my very frustrating job where I am treated like a red-headed stepchild. Fine.

Anyways, since this is my blog, I am going to get personal on ya.

( Click for personalness )

the three words. he can do it now. without any modification.

...

alright, so there's still a lot of pausing and gasping for air. but that's to be expected. :D

either way, it makes me feel like i'm on top of the world. like, possibly, there will be no more frogs to kiss. GASP!

and, maybe, just maybe, i can talk about other things. i'm sure you'd all love that wouldn't you. ha ha.